You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
