Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
