I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
