Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
