Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
