as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
