Barsexuality is the new black.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
