Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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