girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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