I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
