i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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