I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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