I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize