why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
