girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
