I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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