Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
