Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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