Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
