Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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