Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
