Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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