Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
