I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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