Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
