we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
