we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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