A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
