K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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