I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
