I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
