so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
