Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
