I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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