I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
