He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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