you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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