Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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