Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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