I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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