i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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