Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Who did Billy Mays play for?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
