I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
