I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
