i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
