We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
