You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
