To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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