Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
