Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
