I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
