franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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