I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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