Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
