do herpes really smell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
