Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
