I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
