im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.