No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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