can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
