I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
