My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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