so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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