It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
