going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
