i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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