if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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