Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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