I hate your face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
